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AVADA KEDAVRA
A parody of "Hakuna Matata" by Elton John and Tim Rice
Wormtail: Draco, at times like this, we Death Eaters say you must УGet Lord VoldemortТs behind.Ф
†
Voldemort: No. No. No!
†
Wormtail: Sorry my lord...
†
Voldemort: Amateur! It's УGet behind Lord Voldemort.Ф Draco, a bad thing needs to happen, and itТs up to you.
†
Draco: Uh... thatТs not what they teach us at Hogwarts.
†
Voldemort: Then maybe you need a new lesson.†Avada Kedavra! What a wonderful curse!
Wormtail: Avada Kedavra! They donТt get any worse!
Voldemort: It means no Harry, better call him a hearseЕ
Wormtail: OkayЕ heТs a hearse!
Voldemort and Wormtail: Ha! ItТs our trouble-free, artilleryЕ
Voldemort: Avada Kedavra!
Draco: Avada Kedavra?
Wormtail: Yeah. It's our favorite hex!
Draco: What's a hex?
Voldemort: Geez kid, what the hex wrong with you? Ha ha ha!
Wormtail: Ha ha ha! Good one, my lord. Draco, those two words will solve all your problems.
Voldemort: That's right. Take Wormtail hereЕ Why, when he was a young Hogwarts (student)...
Wormtail: When I was a young Hogwarts (student).
Voldemort: Very nice.
Wormtail: Heh heh, Thank you.
Voldemort: He found his persona lacked a certain appeal, he was teased and abused, till he squirmed and he squealed.
Wormtail: I'm a sensitive soul, and I was so chagrined... that they put me in Gryffindor, and not Slytherin.
And oh, the shame...
Voldemort: He was ashamed.
Wormtail: Such a lame nickname...
Voldemort: Yeah, WormtailТs pretty lame.
Wormtail: And I wanted to quit...
Voldemort: How did ya feel?
Wormtail: Well, I felt likeЕ
Voldemort: Hey! Wormy! Not in front of the kids!
Wormtail: Oh. Sorry.
Voldemort and Wormtail: Avada Kedavra! So nicely depraved! Avada Kedavra!
Voldemort: Even though you donТt shave (yet).
Draco: It means no Harry, heТll go straight to the grave.
Voldemort: Yeah, sing it kid!
Voldemort and Draco: It's our recipe...
Wormtail: For anarchy...
All: Avada Kedavra!
Voldemort: Welcome to the dark side.
Draco: YouТre all killers?
Voldemort: We kill whoever we want.
Wormtail: Yup! Turn Сem into rump roasts!
Draco: ThatТs beautiful!
Wormtail: That Order of the Phoenix makes me so mad!
Draco: IТm so angry I could kill a house-elf.
Voldemort: HehЕ we donТt need a house-elf killedЕ yet.
Draco: An owl?
Voldemort: Nuh-uh.
Draco: Harry Potter?!
Voldemort: No, heТs mine! Listen, if youТre going be a Death Eater, you have to act like a Death Eater. And thereТs one fella that REALLY needs toЕ go away.
Draco: Oooh, whoТs that?
Voldemort: A certain headmasterЕ who did you think?
Draco: OhhhhЕ WowЕ
Voldemort: Oh yeahЕ I hope youТre not chicken.
Wormtail: Unforgivable, yet satisfying!
Voldemort: This is a rare opportunity.
Wormtail: Mmm hmmm...
Voldemort: MmmmЕ heТll die with a very pleasant crunch.
Wormtail: YouТll learn to love it!
Voldemort: IТm tellinТ you kid, this is the great life. No rules, no accountabilityЕ Heh heh, the little muggle kind. And best of allЕ weТre all pureblood!
Wormtail: AhemЕ
Voldemort: That is, except me. Well, kid?
Draco: Oh wellЕ
Wormtail: Hey! DonТt point that at me!
Draco: Avada KedavraЕ
Wormtail: (dying) Aaagh!
Draco: (laughing) Unforgivable, yet satisfying.
Voldemort: ThatТs it!
Draco and Voldemort: Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! Avada --
Draco: It means no Wormy, and DumbledoreТs in his grave.
All: Love to hear them scream, in that flash of green...
Voldemort: Avada Kedavra!
Voldemort and Wormtail: Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra!
Draco: Avada Kedavra! Ooo ooo oooЕ
Voldemort: Avada Kedavra! Ha ha ha ha!
Voldemort: ThatТs rightЕ ItТs the circle of deathЕ
Wormtail: My hand hurtsЕ
Voldemort: Be preparedЕ Can you feel the death tonight?
Draco: Ooo ooo ooo...
Voldemort: I just canТt wait to be king!
Draco: Avada Kedavra...
Voldemort: KingЕ King VoldemortЕ thatТs, thatТs meЕ King Voldemort!
© 2010 Steve Goodie and Jace McLain ASCAP